A Cry For Help

Do you know anyone with an Eating Disorder?

This poem was written by my dear friend Ariana who is suffering from Anorexia. She has been at Timberline Knolls – supposedly the BEST hospital in the States for treatement of ED.

Take the time to read it and see how ED is a REAL disease. If there’s anything you can do to help, please contact me.

Who Am I?
By: Ariana

Who Am I?
Who Am I?
Mirror Mirror Who Am I?
who Am I?

Thoughts racing through my head
I feel too fat and guilty to ever go to bed.
My ife is like a roller coaster with broken tracks.
I feel like my ED is holding me down with heavy sacs.

Ed, why am I never good enough for you?
I’m in so much pain and guilt, I jus dont know what to do.
Ive been fighting for my life for many years,
i’m isolated, I feel worthless and alway full of tears

Everyday I Struggle to eat and drink,
I just want to run,run,run and get sick in my bathrrom sink
Empty, Empty I thrive off my stomach’s sounds
But now Im in treatment where the doctors make their rounds.

Who Am I Ed? Who Am I?
Why Why do I struggle with who I am?
i want to be myself but ED has taken over me.
Right now I feel like I am stuck between my ED and my identity.

I am grappling with my ED and my extreme exercise obession
I feel so weak that sometimes I feel like I struggle to even speak in my thearpy sessions.
Im so numb from my past trauma and physical, sexual and emotional abuse…
I feel so torn apart and like I am only held together by a scrawny little thread, but i feel thats not excuse.

My mind and body are both in constant pain,
Sometimes ED makes me feel like I am going insane!
From normal weight to severely underweight to normal, I feel like I am creeping up back up to high scary numbers on the scale
Im terrified of the numbers going up. part of me just wants to look like a rail.

From cardiologist to ED specialists, to nutirtonists, i see them all
My health is taking a turn for the worst , I feel like it wont be long before th 911 call.
Oh how I want to be thin and empty, fallen to the floor.

I hate feeling so bad and constatnly hating myself,
I want to be able to accept myself for who I am , and accet my body for what it is but i feel like I just cant.
Sometimes I begin to wonder what my family’s life would be like if my ED took my life.

i feel my unhealthy mind taking over my healty mind
Im falling baackwards and going donwhill again, I FEEL THAT i wont ever get off hes roller coaster ride.
Memories of past hosptalizations and near death experiences,
Have have taken over my mind to the point where my mind can have any clearance.

I’m trying to stay strong bu my maladaptive behaviors are creeping back,
Im terrified I will never get off these broken tracks.
Be posttttve stay, never give up; I always hear
I struggling to survive and to be able to beelive in those words, but I am far from near…

Who Am I? Who am I?… I dont know?
Im strugling to survive this disease and kick Ed’s nasty ass!
But there is something teling me this just wont pass.

I am told time after time to rememeber that:
I am beautiful that I am living a story and I will not give up despite the pain.
mabe thats all im supposed to be!1

One Comment Add yours

  1. Raya says:

    This poem sounds so much like my life. I also dealing with anoxerica. Hope your doing better. I’m trying to get treatment At timberline knolls but i can’t afford it.

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